Putin Rewards Dissidents & Critical Journalists With An Adventure Holiday In Newman

Say what you will about Vladimir Putin but never accuse him of not knowing how to reward those critical of him with a good time. What special treat has he got in store for his opponents now? A one-way ticket to Newman, Western Australia. 

A spokesperson for the Kremlin made it clear that the group of 10 consisting of political dissidents, critical journalists, and his mother-in-law were welcome to turn down the holiday provided they didn’t mind an extended stay on the outskirts of Siberia. They told The Times,

“Putin just wants to reward his opponents for holding him to account and having so much to say about his leadership. He’s heard Newman is radiating with goodness this type of year and has even bought everyone new hiking boots so they can get out there and soak it all in”

We spoke to a Russian journalist who had recently penned an article about Vladimir’s tentative grip over the current conflict with Ukraine. He told The Times,

“Looks like I was wrong about Putin all along. He really wanted us to enjoy an Australian holiday. It was pretty out of the blue but that’s all he can talk about now. Newman this, Newman that. He’s obsessed”

Not only will the group enjoy an extended stay in Newman but Putin has even arranged for an exciting roadm trip to Malaga and back. His spokesperson told The Times,

“He’s dead serious about them soaking up the experience and what better way to see the country than on a roadtrip. With specially made open air jeeps. He says everyone will be positively beaming after the trip”

In totally unrelated news, the search for the radiated capsule lost from a truck earlier this month remains in full force. With authorities expressing great concern for all life that may encounter it. 

More on the radiation situation HERE.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?