Go swimming in a surprise pool – surprise pools is one thing Perth does exceptionally well. Thanks to the ridiculously shit drainage across the city, you never know which little piece of road will become an impromptu pool!
If getting a few laps in isn’t your thing then you can always drive your little shitbox into the depths and let the sweet droplets of insurance fraud water your fortunes. Worried they will catch on? Don’t be, their opinion on Perth drivers is so low they won’t even bat an eyelid about this not being genuine.
Get swarmed by Towies – as soon as you feel that first drop of rain fall you can almost feel the palpable energy of every towies in the City getting a raging bingle-boner at the same time.
Enjoy the feeling of being constantly stalked by towies and once you have a little wet road royal rumble with a few other cars you’ll get to enjoy the feeding frenzy that ensues. What an experience! More on these fellers HERE.
Get into an argument on a WA gardening/lawn page about your right to utilise your watering day – this is a classic. Some would argue that there is simply no need to water your lawn when you’re about to get a hefty downpour. Not you though. You are a disciple in the church of double watering.
Spend your afternoon in doors, arguing with complete strangers. After all, is that not why the internet was invented for in the first place? Finish up with threatening to come around and do a massive burnout on your adversary’s lawn.
Put a young bartender under extreme pressure – it’s your Constitutional right as a Western Australian to only ever drink in a beer garden. Rain, hail or shine. Of course, on a day like this you might need the warming glow of a gas heater. Why not make a fun activity out of it?
Gather your best dad crew. Hit the pub and then advise the greenest staff member that the gas has run out. This is when the games begin. See how quickly they can change it with a ring of dad advice coming at them with 2 stroke leaf blower intensity. More on the art HERE.
Brighten a farmer’s day – sometimes the best way to have a nice day is to brighten someone else’s week. Take a nice photo or video of the rainfall in your Perth metro location and send it to a farmer you know. After all, rain in Perth is one of their major pleasures.
Surrender up your car – car ownership can be pesky can’t it? Having to bloody store the thing, fill it up with expensive petrol and all that other malarky. So why not answer the call of your hoon people and get that bad boy impounded. One skid at a time.
You know the old saying,” rain, rain go away or Robbo’s commy will get impounded for another 28 days”. So go out there and unburden yourself.
Conserve your headlight globes and drive like an Englishman to his dental appointment – on the other end of the dickhead driver spectrum is the overly cautious yet completely hazardous driver who has no idea how to drive in the wet. Headlights? Nah, if you can’t see their silver car then thats your problem!
How about driving somewhere near the speed limit to match the flow of traffic? Again, nah, any quantity of rain means it’s time for a 40kph under the limit party. Extra points if you convince yourself this is somehow safer.
Test your umbrella in the mighty Terrace corridor of broken dreams – there is a special spot reserved in Valhalla for any warrior who draws their umbrella and survives the ordeal on St Georges Terrace.
Does eternal glory await you? Or will you be reduced to yet another moron covered dipstick who thought their cheap piece of shit umbrella was up to the task? More on the gauntlet HERE.
Enjoying a thorough staring from a Mediterranean gent watering his driveway – take a trip out to Balcatta or Spearwood and treat yourself to an ocular mauling from your favourite Mediterranean gentleman giving his concrete a second coat of water.
Some might think watering the driveway is pointless in the rain but they clearly know nothing about watering driveways. It’s the perfect time to do it. Why? You ask too many questions you stupida boy. More on this gent HERE.
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Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
