Taking a leaf from his fast food empire book by making a bold promise – to make Hungry Jack’s great again. All the boys need to do is dig deep and deliver a whopper of a victory over Carlton.
Sources within the Eagles say that Simmo passionately explained that every HJ’s customer deserved to piggishly guzzle as much post-mix crap as they could while they stuffed their greasy holes full of bacon deluxes. He was ready to step up if the boys were.
An insider told The Times,
“He said offering free soft drink in this economy was madness but it was a sacrifice he was willing to make if the team could lift. He also threw a serving of the current onion rings against the wall and asked who tf liked them. Before promising to bring back those succulent crumbed numbers as part of his commitment to winning”
It was undeniable that Simmo had stirred something deep in the boys. They knew at the moment that the game was so much bigger than just them. It was for every Western Australian in the South Perth area that missed what HJ’s used to be.
We spoke to a local bonghead and fast food fiend. He told The Times,
“It was hard seeing a mighty dynasty like HJ’s slip. It used to be the perfect dine-in experience. Retro diners with like fkn James Dean on the walls. Free soft drink and the best onion rings in the game. Now I barely even want to rub one out in the toilet like I used to. That’s sad, man”
It’s no doubt a powerful motivator and with so much on the line, surely the Eagles can get the job done.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?