The Nation has woken up to a fair bit of shock after seeing the first day of the Sydney test go ahead without significant rain delays.
Naturally, a lot of work has been going on behind the scenes to ensure this was possible. Namely – a sacrifice to the sun gods to appease their cruel thirst for blood.
The Premier detailed how he had to head down to a local farm and pick the lamb himself. Noting that it wasn’t a task he’d wish on any other head of state.
A spokesperson for the NSW Government told The Times,
“Anyone that has cut the heart out of a living creature to ensure perfect test weather would know the struggle. I’ll never forget those screams”
Sadly, Sydney will have to repeat the offering every morning before the start of play if they wish to keep the weather gods happy.
There is also speculation from the sun god’s camp that a mere lamb won’t cut it for future sacrifices. A spokesperson for the sun god added,
“MERE MORTALS SHOULD OFFER A SACRIFICE WORTHY OF FACE THE WRATH OF A THOUSAND WASHED OUT SESSIONS”
Biblical words indeed. Accordingly, the NSW Government is looking to up the ante and give the gods something they would truly cherish.
Perhaps people who move to Sydney and think they are influencers because they take a few selfies as Icebergs Bondi?
We shall see.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
