Canning Vale Man, Jeremy still struggles to live with himself after failing to be in the first wave of crook-digestion seeking hordes to descend upon Taco Bell Midland.
By the time he got his shit together, he was barely in the first 1000 Perth residents to cancel their plans and spend their day lining up to sample the frankly underwhelming Tex Mex slop.
Sitting on a camping chair outside the unfinished Taco Bell Canning Vale, Jeremy told The Times,
“I’m not even worthy to call myself a foodie. If you weren’t in the first 50 people lining up outside Midland’s store then you should’ve just deleted your IG food blog. Spit on me”
Clearly, Jeremy wasn’t going to repeat the mistakes of the past and began camping outside the site some weeks ago.
It is unclear when the store will be open for business. Could be days, could be weeks, could be months but Jeremy couldn’t care less. Telling The Times,
“Let’s face it, I don’t have anything better to do. Plus I’ve met some really nice folks along the way. The tradies must think I’m funny because they are constantly laughing at… no with me, laughing with me”
It seems Jeremy isn’t alone in his desire to be the first person to try Taco Bell from a different Perth location. With over 200 other punters braving the rain over the last fortnight to establish their position.
At that moment, Jeremy unceremoniously flopped it out to start pissing straight into an empty bottle of LA Ice Cola. He continued,
“You can’t leave your spot. Not for one second. Competition is fierce to be the first. Anti-queuers just wouldn’t get it. Someone drove past and told me to spare some oxygen for people who need it”
Clearly, this unprovoked act of rudeness is misguided. How can half of Perth be wrong? Yes, that’s right, it’s estimated that 50% of the population joined the Taco Bell Midland line over the 2 months it raged on for.
It was clear the interview had to finish as Jeremy pulled out some dog shit bags he nabbed from the park. Leaving us with this final thought,
“If you’re going to line up for something you gotta be first or people might think you’re some kind of loser who doesn’t value their time”
Duly noted.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
