Tour de France cyclists reveal they dress up as middle-aged professionals and pretend to do mergers on the weekend 

A peloton of top Tour de France cyclists have delighted their fans by giving insightful revelations as to how they like to relax in their free time. 

A French cyclist told The Times that on the weekends he liked to pretend he was a high-powered board member and cosplayed the hiring & firing of executives over a round of coffees. He added,

“I am, errr, how you say, a big dog?I say you! Your KPIs are rubbish get the hellllouttttaehere and don’t expect a redundancy payout!”

Another cyclist took the hobby even further and has had business cards made up to really sell the performance. He told The Times,

“People are always looking at us and thinking Christ almighty, look at these damn cyclists in the foyer of my building pretending they are networking but we don’t let the hate get to us”

Naturally, they have gained their fair share of enemies in central business districts. We spoke to an executive in Australia about the scourge. He told The Times,

“It’s fine to have a hobby. It gets them out of the house and socialising but they go and book sections in our favourite corporate hangouts and pretend they are treating the bar staff like shit. They don’t even do it properly mate, all the gear and no idea, they haven’t even made the new backpacker cry, weak”

Playing devil’s advocate, we put it to the cyclists that walking around with leather document holders, having loud convos on their Bluetooth headphones about mass layoffs, tie bars and brand spankin’ R.M Williams was a bit obnoxious. 

They told The Times that deep down they knew that but after spending the better part of $5k on the hobby it was too late to back away now.

If anything, they had to commit harder.