Uncle Looking At 2 Weeks For Drunken Hanger On Nephew During King Of The Pack

A Perth family’s long weekend BBQ has been marred with controversy after Bill saw an opportunity to show the Zoomer generation what he was made of. 

Naturally, this opportunity came during a friendly game of king of the pack. His brother told The Times,

“I’d punted a nice high one and I could see Bill’s beady little eyes light up. He could tell it was almost at the perfect trajectory for him but not quite. So he used my 12-year-old son as a step ladder of sorts”

By all reports, Bill’s 93kg rig absolutely creamed the boy as he soared ungracefully over his head and into the grass. Failing to maintain control of the ball and ultimately dropping the mark. 

Following the overzealous display, the body of responsible adults present decided to give Bill an on-the-spot 2-week ban from participating in any activity with the kids. A ban Bill swears he’ll appeal. Telling The Times,

“I did that little shit a favour, he’ll have plenty of time to play his stupid iPad while he’s laying in bed waiting for his shoulder to heal!”

8 beers down, Bill wasn’t about to back down as the other adults queried why he had to be such a dick head all the time. He continued,

“That’s my brother for you. He’s all about participation trophies and positive reinforcement. That kid is soft as hell and needed a lesson from the school of hard knocks”

As the boy iced his back, Bill returned to the game showing off his patented “Bill-train chugga chugga chugga” moves as he used his body to take a few more contested possessions against children. 

Bill’s wife hid her face in the usual way she does when her hubby commits a grievous social faux pas. Blushing in shame she told The Times,

“I hate it when he brings out the Bill-train. You know he bowled an over of bouncers at our niece last X-mas. He kept repeating that she’ll be getting nothing in her half while the Bill-train is stormin’ in”

To compound his woes, he’s looking at an additional 4 week ban from all family events after trying to torp the Burley and subsequently taking out a tressle table loaded with food for the BBQ.

Maybe get some waters in Bill. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?