News that two NSW truckies have entered WA infected with COVID has presented an immediate danger to Perth’s beloved big girl – The Baysie Bridge.

It’s almost a certainty that she will come into contact with a truck if they are in the community for any significant lengths of time. As eventually, she’ll feed on ’em all.

A spokesperson for the Western Australian Government told The Bell Tower Times,

“We realise that she’s coming to the end of her life but we still maintain her life matters. We hope to see her live another day to take a few more metal scalps before she’s done. Life is a buffet to her, and she’s not done eating yet”

Health teams face a two-pronged challenge. Firstly, to find a dose of Pfizer big enough for the hungry lass and secondly, work out how to penetrate her seemingly impenetrable robust physique.

Dosage-wise, teams say they have a lead on a dose originally intended for Clive Palmer. Medicos are instructed to only get about 3/4 in to make up for her smaller stature than the blowhard businessman.

Delivery is going to be the tricky part, as a health worker told us,

“Baysie takes multi-tonne loads right to the face and doesn’t even blink. She’s a beast, in layman’s terms. So we need to find a system of delivery that can do what no truck driver has ever done and get through her”

We asked what their leading plan was, they told us

“We’ll just stick the massive needle on top of a Toll truck that’s running late. Then with a few nifty tweaks of their GPS, we anticipate an impact of roughly 50kph right into Baysie. It’s our best chance”

It would be a cruel irony for a truck driver to finally take Baysie down and it’s not the kind of twisted poetic end anyone in this city wants for the ravenous destroyer of truck licenses.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

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