Victorian man now fully assimilated into WA after joining mob waiting for Coles to open on Sunday

It had been a tough road for Roberto, never really feeling like he fit in around Perth after moving here a month ago. However, all that was to change when he thought he could duck down to Coles at 1030 am to pick up some hangover essentials. 

Upon arriving at the shopping centre he noticed a large mob of citizens breathing heavily and pacing anxiously at the entrance of the closed Coles. He walked amongst the herd and felt connected by frustration. He told The Times,

“I was feeling pretty dusty and I just grumbled into the void. I said forfarkkssakkke what’s wrong with this state, and a family of rotund, grocery bison looked into my eyes and we lamented the fact the shop wouldn’t open until 11”

We spoke to a regular member of the pre-open Coles mob who told The Times,

“We could tell this bloke was a bit green around the gills. He legitimately forgot shops don’t open until 11 but for the rest of us we just have to be first for some reason. It’s not like we got shit to do, ya reckon people who line up for Coles to open have rich and fulfilling lives? Nah”

What Roberto found was that the usual trade-insults-embargo on a Victorian voicing displeasure at WA had briefly been lifted. He was able to whinge about Sunday trading like a regular of the state. He told The Times,

“Usually when I criticise WA, some large man in very bright clothing will tell me to piss off back to where I came from. Not this time though, all these weirdos wasting precious weekend time were happy for me to whinge about the outdated Sunday trading laws”

Despite making a mental note of the opening hours, Roberto has vowed to return next Sunday to continue his cultural learnings of the WA people. 

It also didn’t hurt that a Sunday morning coles-queuer thought Roberto looked kind of spiffy in his fancyman Melbourne jacket. She told The Times,

“Last date I went on the guy didn’t even have a shirt on. This guy looks like he could take me to Nobu. I hope to see him in the godless horde next Sunday”

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?

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