The Cook Government has allocated funds to create a series of back-alley viewing rooms that despondent West Coast fans can go and watch some quality WA footy discreetly.
It comes after a growing number of footy fans have begun unironically watching Freo games because, well, they are entertaining lately.
We spoke to an Eagles member turned lowkey traitor who under no circumstances wanted to be identified. He told The Times,
“Don’t look at me!! What have I become, I used to hate-watch Freo games so I could jump on Facebook and talk about trophy cabinets but last night I felt a little smile when Luke Jackson went on a rampage. I think I got a little stiffy”
A spokesperson for the Government urged Westralians to be honest with themselves. Adding,
“It’s not illegal anymore, you can be yourself but we understand that’s tough for a lot of one-eyed Eagles members. We want you to use these rooms and support WA footy because while the Eagles/Dockers rivalry is important so is shoving a dog up the VFL”
More and more, bolted on West Coast fans are conceding that it wouldn’t be the end of the world if Freo made a grand final.
Of course, they qualify this opinion by stating through grit teeth that they’d only be watching to see them go down in flames.
“Eagles are going to win another prem before Freo” in the street, “wharfie time” in the sheets.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?