spearmint milk

Finally! A2 Acknowledges Western Australian Babies Have Different Needs

Baby formula brand A2 has finally recognised that not all infants are the same. This is especially true of Western Australian babies who yearn for a special blend of west coast nutrients to make sure they grow up big & strong. 

For too long have WA babies been forced to choose between regular milk flavours if they can’t get any more credit at the squishy mamma tap of life. This in turn has limited the potential of so many West Aussies. 

A product development scientist at A2 had been studying the unique needs of Western Australians for years but was never quite able to crack the code. That’s until he found himself at an industrial estate lunch bar in Perth’s South East. He told The Times,

“I was there to meet with potential manufacturing partners to try and roll out more A2 to the WA market. It’s there I spotted my first spearmint milk. I turned to my colleague and said wtf is this and we partook of the forbidden mint” 

The interview had to be momentarily paused as the scientists began salivating at the thought of that superior mint busting a flavour nut in his squirrel hole. He composed himself before continuing, 

“My colleague downed the entire carton in one go and to be clear I’ve never heard her swear in her life but she turns to me, fires out a bushman’s blow onto the floor and told me to get that up me before slapping my back and calling me a dogcunt”

It was clear from the laughter of a nearby forklift operator and my colleague’s behaviour that I’d discovered the essence of Western Australia. We conducted tests and baby rats fed spearmint baby formula were 80% more likely to dig holes better than ones that didn’t.

Needless to say, the WA mining sector was absolutely pumped to hear this news. With a copy of the study sitting in every magnate’s pigeonhole. So impressed with the rat’s hole digging, an anonymous bigdick miner invested heavily in the new flavour. An A2 spokesperson told The Times,

“We can’t disclose who but we’re pretty sure you know who. They even asked us to give their workers weekly spearmint infusions to see if that would improve their hole-digging ability. We said it was unethical”

A2 remain tight lipped on just how powerful the foruma is but beta testing has already identified a 2 year old that can launch a honkey nut 20m with frightening accuracy. That speaks for itself.

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Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?