Idiot Melbourner visiting Perth thinks he can just waltz in and grab a coffee after 3pm

A clueless Melbourne arsehole has entered our great nation of Westralia and is expected to satisfy his coffee craving after 3 pm today. Locals called the man delusion and asserted that he had his head so far up his arse he’s headbutting corn kernels 

The audacious incident happened just moments ago when the Melbourne resident visiting Perth asked his host where he could go to grab a coffee. Needless to say, he was laughed out of his mate’s home. A witness to the scene told The Times,

“Where does he think he is? When you visit WA you drink your coffee in the morning like a normal person. Late afternoon pick-me-ups. What an absolute joker. Maybe he was suffering from separation anxiety from his scarf”

We spoke to the man in question who said he rather enjoyed an espresso on a Monday afternoon. Adding,

“Perth clearly loves stimulants as I encountered in Northbridge last night. Why so stingy on the afternoon coffees? Don’t they realise it’ll get your buzz on? Figured that was a slam dunk for Perth”

We understand the young man was forced to make his way into the City to visit a 7/11 that only just popped up on the scene recently. 

By all reports, the man found the coffee mediocre and will be telling every Smellburn shitstain about his horrendous Perth experience. 

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