The pre-seltzer era was a different time in drinking. People were less concerned about “healthy drinking” and more concerned with abominations. Some of these are still around but you’ve probably hung up your boots on them a while ago.
1. The Jagerbomb
Back in the 2000s, the Jagerbomb ruled the roost. No drink was better able to render you a sweaty, sloppy mess faster. It was also a real status symbol, being absurdly expensive for that era, in the $15-20 mark but hey, it was boom town baby, and the only way to roll was wondering what would catch up to you first – your lack of coordination or concerning heart rate!
Speaking of concerning heart rates, the mighty Pulse was an absolute staple in the teenage regret stakes. This was a purebred party starter given the hefty dose of low-quality energy drink and the 7% hit of stomach-churning vodka. It was also an excellent drink to consume if you fancied shitting your pants in the back of a Maxi Taxi. Hey, it’s a free country.
3. Smirnoff Double Black
While the SDB still exists in can form, it originally was sold in a bottle so you’d look far classy before lining the pavement outside the Leederville Hotel with a thick slurry of Siena’s pasta and regret. You’d be hard-pressed to find someone who grew up in the 90s/00s who hasn’t rolled the dice with CBD and lost.
4. Fruity Lexia goon bag
It’s funny how life gets away from you. One day you are swigging goon from a Hills Hoist and the next you’re living in fear of the next interest rates rise. Sigh. Either way, the goon bag is iconic for so many reasons. Absolutely none of them are for how it tasted. That was putrid but the pillow it made was quite nice. More on the beloved goon bag HERE.
5. Carlton Cold Shot
You have to respect the day someone at CUB’s marketing team lost their fkn mind and created a Coldie with a shot of vodka in it. This beer was served with a red sticker so you’d know it was dangerous and tasted a bit like an old mate’s underwear juice if you were to rinse them out into a middie. Still, what an icon.
Face it, your love affair with beer was a hard-fought battle in your younger years. It just wasn’t a particularly inviting drink for a 14 year old palate. That’s where the mighty Woodstock came in. Tasting like an evil-Coke, it was an easy drink to get into although it harboured horrible post-party consequences. No toilet bowl was safe. More on Woodies HERE.
7. Midori Illusion Shaker
The Midori Illusion was and is fkn delicious. A mix of Midori, vodka, triple sec, pineapple and lemon, it was the fluoro mainstain of the late 90’s early 2000’s club scene. Coming in promotional shakers too. Of course, it became particularly popular with balding, d-floor grinders who would walk with 2 hand in hand looking for a lady who most certainly shouldn’t be accepting a drink from him. At least they stood out. More on the Midori Shaker HERE.
8. Lemon Ruskis
Stollies or Ruskis as there were known were popular amongst the ladies. A fairly easy drinking alco-pop that also made you feel like you were some kind of international woman of mystery. Feeling like you were a James Bond girl you’d proceed with too much confidence and ultimately end up crying over nothing and in a taxi rank at 3 am.
9. Bacardi 151
Why were they allowed to sell this to people? Bacardi 151 was most people’s first experience with the pain alcohol can cause. The bottle even had a bloody fire warning on it given its high proof. So it was perfect for if you wanted to make a total embarrassment of yourself or help get the BBQ started later.
10. Passion Pop
Everyone wanted to feel like royalty growing up. What better way than with a glass of the fancy bubbly stuff? Sure, it was the no.1 reason for panicked phone calls to responsible guardians following some kind of coordination related disaster but it could be served in a champagne flute. That counts for something in this crazy world. More on Passion Pop HERE.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?