11 hot topics to get a Western Australian worked up

Westralians are a fierce bunch but these topics bring out the inner best. Have you got what it takes to drop one into conversation?

1. Rotto booking system 

Rotto becoming increasingly inaccessible to the people is a topic that will boil any sandgroper without a yacht’s piss.

Cost aside, the powers that be think it fit to throw us to the mercy of a Rotto accommodation “open day” which surely contravenes the Geneva Conventions.

2. Beach quality 

This becomes an issue when a Western Australian has gone on holiday and is in the impossible position to acknowledge another place on Earth has a passable beach. Naturally, nothing compares to the absolute beauties back home.

A simple disagreement will quickly become a raging argument if, for example, someone from Melbourne even uses the B-word when describing their stagnant disease bays.

3. Supermarkets opening at 11 on a Sunday

The Westralian urge to head to a supermarket at 10:30 on a Sunday to join a horde of impatient grocery seekers is deeply ingrained into our DNA.

Sunday trading hours have been a contentious issue since politics began and if you’re looking for a biffo it’s a great topic. Some want it, others don’t but all will happily yell said opinion into your face at point-blank range.

4. VFL

Footy season is a most wonderful time of the year. Westralia knows that the AFL is only called so in lip service and it’s actually the VFL.

If you’re looking for an animated discussion, bring up “Vic bias” at your next West Coast home game and hear about every single way the VFL dog us. Naturally, the conspiracies are all true and anyone doubting it will not have a good time in Westralia.

5. GST

Westralia’s GST share is an issue that is certain to get any true sandgroper foaming at the mouth and ready to throw hooks of economic theory.

To understand why you first must understand a simple, indisputable fact – WA is the economic powerhouse of the Nation and without WA the country would be no different to New Zealand.

6. Test crowds

Nothing ruins a Westralian’s day quite like someone from over east casting aspersions on our love for cricket. In particular, hounding us over modest test crowd numbers.

A mere mention of test crowds will have us rattling off mitigating factors faster than a Dennis Lillee bouncer at the WACA. In fact, you can keep stirring us up with a mention of Cricket Australia – especially if you pair this with Bancroft or Langer.

7. Daylight saving (savings in the WA vernacular)

This is obviously a classic and pretty much speaks for itself. After a lengthy history of referendums, the No crowd is ready to follow you home in their Hilux and bite your face if you mention faded curtains.

Likewise, the Yes crowd lives in a perpetual state of frustration with the NIMBY attitudes of sunshine-hating cow milkers. Whichever side you take, get ready to brawl.

8. Evaporative airconditioning 

There was a time when Perth’s dry heat was legendary. Alas, the dryness mostly lives on in our hearts as most people have accepted that an encroaching humidity that now plagues Perth summers.

No one is claiming Perth is Far North Queensland but the days a swamp box is truly effective are shrinking. Naturally, the swampboxers won’t hear it and will defend their honour (rather than admit they cheaped out and should’ve gone refrigerative)

9. Double brick houses 

Like the dry heat, Westralia is increasingly becoming aware that big double brick homes aren’t the best for our climate. They essentially become pizza ovens during hot spells and stay toasty for days.

Nevertheless, it is the Western Australian dream to rock the double brick – a kickback from a very successful marketing campaign back in the day. Bring this one up at your peril.

10. Sunsets

This one is pretty simple to get through your Eastern State heads. Your sunsets are trash. They don’t set over an ocean and a Western Australian wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire.

Bring up Adelaide will you? Well don’t. Our set over an endless ocean, theirs set over a glorified bay There is on competition. Getting the picture?

11. Seceding

A true Westralian knows in their head that full scale secession is probably not a good idea but their heart tells them “we could deffinetly do it”.

This topic won’t elicit a super emotional response unless you get a Westralian to really dig in and start telling you how the rest of the god damn fkn nation would be BEGGING us to rejoin after just 6 months of The Republic of Westralia absolutely smashing it.

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