BREAKING: Hot Chip Shortage Hits Nation’s Aquatic Centre Fitness Delusionals The Hardest

Casual swimmers all across the country have lost motivation to pursue their favourite fitness hobby as the hot chip shortage worsens. 

See, aquatic centres aren’t in the business of promoting fitness per se, they are in the business of motivating sedentary layabout slobs into exercising as long as they can get a bucket of hot chips at the end. 

We spoke to a Leedy man who said his goal of being able to suck in at least 30% less in photos was derailed by the shortage. Telling The Times,

“Yeah, just couldn’t do it ay. I’d get into my car in my still damp speedos and I just couldn’t get the key in there. Just quietly, I think I’m keener on the hot chips than the hot bod ha ha”

Similarly, a mother of 3 said she couldn’t be farked taking her kids for their usual lessons if mummy couldn’t cut a piece off herself. Telling The Times,

“One can only stare at the lifesavers for so long. Mummy needs her snack and hot chips filled that void. Potato farmers need to lift their game”

We can happily report that the Spud King has heard our cries and will address the issue shortly. For the sake of 2024 beach bodies. As clearly, this year is cooked. 

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?