A Baldivis woman was shocked to learn she was preggo today given she hadn’t done the deed with anyone for several months. At first, she thought it was an immaccy C like Mary on her V-plates but after talking to the doctors she worked it out.
Due to the cost of living pressure, Belyndah had moved back in with her mum who had recently shacked up with another bloke.
That bloke had a drongo son who spent his days playing computer games and clearly indulging in another robust activity. Belyndah told The Times,
“FKN GROSS. We worked out that the pure volume of stray man gravy from Tyron’s self care had built up to a suitable level to soak through. I was wearing a skirt and undies but it was no match. I think I’m going to be ill”
Belyndah had made the decision to briefly sit on his chair because she needed to quickly type up a cover letter for a job application. She continued,
“We’re not blood related but let’s just say I wouldn’t choose that man’s genetics to get juiced with. He’s one of those people who argues in YouTube comments and Tooheys Extra Dry because he likes the taste. Major ick”
Tyron has said he is willing to do the right thing and make an honest woman out of Belyndah. He told The Times,
“I wasn’t expecting to be a dad but if she keeps it I’ll do my bit. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want to keep though. At least she broke he drought though ay ha ha, that counts as a root ay? Can I count it? I reckon I’m gonna count it”
No Tyron, that one doesn’t count and for god sake show some more shame for the state of your computer station.
In other news, Tyon’s DMs are flooded after women who are having trouble themselves are under the impression his chair has magical abilities. In his words,
“I’m fending them off with a stick, not bad for a bloke who posts essays in YouTube comments about The Voice, ay?”
Lord help us all.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?