WA is known for two things – shithot beaches and being a wonderful place to raise a family. So why not combine the two and teach your children important life lessons while having a dip!
1. Mettams Pool
The allure of influencing can be strong. That’s why you must take your kids to Mettams Pool early on in life so they can experience how irredeemably cringe the life of an influencer is. Point some out as they swan around the beach acting like it’s a paid modelling shoot. Make sure to alert them to the deadness in their BF’s eyes. More on beach influencers HERE.
It’s important to teach your kids to be humble and not talk shit. Remind them that your lies can be exposed in a second. Use Tombstones in Gnaraloo as your example – a wave that will separate the skillful chaff from the blowhard wheat. Don’t be this guy -> HERE.
3. Eighty Mile Beach
Speaking of being full of shit, the name of this beach is an important lesson that the world is full of shit and they should develop critical thinking skills early on. 80 mile beach is actually 220km. Remind them it isn’t some global conspiracy though, it’s just stupid.
It’s important to teach your children early on about the disdain the western suburbs have for its fellow city. Nothing like a healthy dose of class divide to remind them that no matter how hard they work in life, it’ll never hold the same weight as merely attending Christ Church or PLC. More on Cott Beach HERE.
5. Thomson Bay
Rotto is a great place to show your kids how the elites truly think. See that wankstain that was giving you the stinkeye at Cott beach? Well, now he hides his head in shame because he doesn’t even own his own mooring at Rotto. There’s always a bigger boat, kids. Then take em to Pinkys to teach them about regret, shame and love. More on Pinky Beach HERE.
6. Tims Thicket
Your kids need to understand that the BCF’ing lifestyle is a powerful substance. Remind them there is a fine line between having good fun in a Patrol and being a yewww’ing dick head who despite the maxtrax proudly on display, can’t get his car out of a slight bog to save himself. Never go full BCF. More on this kinda tool HERE.
Oh boy, there are too many life lessons to count at Scabs. Basically, you are trying to gently expose them to turbos so they can truly make the decision on whether they want to be one or not. As after they finish school they’ll be at that fork in the road and have to choose. Best prepare them for it. More on Scabs turbos HERE.
As your kids come of age they’ll start getting that Western Australian urge. What urge you ask? The urge to spend your holidays getting away from Perth by being surrounded by everyone else who have also got away from Perth. It’s a Perth paradox and one they’ll have to accept to be truly happy in WA. More on Meelup HERE.
9. South Beach
Teach your kids that they are always one healing crystal away from sharing a van with a guy who rates Pete Evans and spends his day slacklining and pilfering weed from French backpackers. More HERE.
10. Cable Beach
This is a classic beach to teach your children about the importance of insurance. Not insured little Timmy? Well that 4WD currently making friends with the tide is going to really fark your life up. It’s also a good beach to teach them that nothing can stop the relentless tide of your own incompetence. More on Broome shenanigans HERE.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?