BREAKING: More People To Enjoy Explosions At Massage Joints Than Skyworks Tonight

Early reports suggest Skyworks 2022 is a bit of a fizzer. With most Western Australian’s opting to enjoy a more localised explosion down at their local tension relieving joint.

Aerial footage from Channel 9 shows a far smaller crowd at Skyworks than 2020, with the potential spread of Omicron to be the most likely cause. 

However, it is very telling that no Journalist has dug deep enough to reveal the reason may just be that the entire Skyworks experience is shithouse and one can enjoy a little “explosion” with a small fraction of the effort. 

READ MORE: Family To Skip Skyworks Over Fears of Getting Infected With Case Of Having-a-shit-time

Local hound dog, Thomas* told The Bell Tower Times,

“Yeah look, if I’m going to be staring upwards to enjoy an explosion I’ll be on my back and not my feet if you catch my drift”

We had to cut the interview short with Thomas* deciding he’d share his “fireworks” face with us as he used his hand to simulate the likely “ignition” of said fireworks. 

Claire decided she was ok with no explosions tonight but sent her husband and the eldest boy down to experience the magic of popping off in a dazzling fashion. She told us,

“Last time he took us to Skyworks we didn’t hear the end of it. Every single step of the way he was complaining about the ordeal. So if we were going to catch COVID anyway I may as well get to stay in and watch my Netflix”

Other punters said that they’d simply enjoy staying home to knock the top off “it”. Charlie* told us, 

“Look something going bang and it’s not going to be down at South Perth mate. All the effort to navigate public transport and you can’t even drink. I just want to smash this 10 pack of Wild Turkey 101 and get to know myself out in the spa”

Baz stopped short of offering a comparable service. Instead offering his disappointment that the 2022 Skyworks was a bit of a fizzer. 

A bit like what big Simmsy is experiencing right now under the neon lights after consuming far too many Bush Chooks to possibly “explode”.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?