Crypto investor 1000% in the red reckons you should definitely buy the dip

Chronic panic seller and trainwreck crypto investor Tom (aka MaxCa$$$h) has boldly dished out more unsolicited investing advice after observing the chaotic scenes unfolding since the FTX collapse.  

At approximately 6:30 yesterday afternoon, Tom met up with a couple of mates for a Monday arvo froff in the sun. After getting a few Swanny D’s in his mind turned to wealth, as it so often does. We spoke to Tom’s mate who was enjoying the conversation until Tom turned. He told The Times,

“He started saying that he was quietly confident that a ton of coins had bottomed out and that we’d be fools to not buy the dip and ride the next pump all the way up. You have to understand this idiot spent the last 3 months hammering our group chat with whinges about his significant losses and telling us to buy dog coins”

It’s true, since starting investing in crypto in 2020, Tom is approximately 1000% in the red. Having successfully failed to sell at any peak rather, he habitually panic sells when it was too late and then watches the coins bounce back after he sold. This has become a bit of a signature for the terrible investor. 

We spoke to the other mate at the pub that afternoon who said he was open “in theory” to buying low and selling high however had his reservations,

“Two years of terrible tips from this guy. He acts like he knows something because he sends these charts to us. He doesn’t know how to interpret the data no matter how many times he mentions candlesticks and Bart Simpson charts. However if we call him out he just keeps telling us to fight him in the ring. He’s got Dubai on lock or someshit”

Despite his history, Tom claims that if he had any money he’d be right there with them. Buying the shit out of that dip. Adding,

“This is a once-in-a-generation wealth opportunity. If all my money wasn’t lost in shitcoins I’d be back on BTC and ride it to the moon man. Imagine missing out on this”

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