Captain High Beam Treating Suburban Perth Like He’s Bushbashing In Outback Kalgoorlie

The one thing about Freddy is, he isn’t the kind of man to do things by halves. So when he heard that one should turn on their lights during dreary conditions he was going to light it up like it was the Aurora Australis.

During a drive to pick up some darts this morning, Freddy deployed the full force of his high visibility toolchest on the suburb of Hamilton Hill. He told The Times,

“LED high beams, light bar and a coupla foggies for good measure. Whether I’m spottin’ Roos or driving down a well light suburban street, I like to be able to see into the 4th dimension”

A witness to Freddy’s obnoxious show this morning almost ran out the back of another car due to the temporary ocular impairment caused by Freddy’s set up. They told The Times,

“Captain farken high beam over here. What the hell is he doing? Just turn on your headlights you nutter. I felt like Mick Taylor had taken exception to me. This isn’t the outback mate”

Another member of the “Fog Lights Always” Brigade, the FLA, if you will, told The Times he saw nothing wrong with it,

“Do you know how hard it is to ascertain if the chick waiting at the bus stop has a decent set of bazoingas on her with just normal headlights in the rain mate? I’m providing everyone a valuable service”

 A young Uni student tripping on mushies from the night before said he thought he’d have an encounter with an extra terrestrial as Freddy pulled into the servo,

“Man, it was like a UFO zooming in. I’d never seen such a dazzling but distracting light show on a car… but when he got out I’d realised I’d just had an encounter with bogan-kind. Was a rollercoaster”

We asked if Freddy was going to stop dazing other motorists with this absurd light set up and he almost choked on the pie he was stuffing into his face. Adding,

“If ya don’t like it, get off the road. It’s my roight as a citizen of Australia to pump out as many can-fkn-delas as I want ya dog”

God help anyone who finds themselves in front of Freddy, ever. 

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