“Containers AGAINST Change” – WA boomers set up rival plastic container exchange program

A group of WA boomers has looked at the success of WA’s Containers For Change program and decided they want a piece of that action. With, of course, one important difference – that pesky “change” word. 

Under the scheme, “entitled” millennials & zoomers will be able to collect specific plastic containers, and rather than offer a financial incentive for their deposit, they will be expected to be “grateful” for the opportunity. 

We spoke to the brains behind the operation who said in his day he’d clock up almost 40km a day picking up discarded milk cartons on his walk to school and never expected a pat on the back. He added,

“These new generations are only ever after a handout! The perpetually offended snowflakes wouldn’t know a hard day’s work if it franked their credits! Containers Against Change will operate more like conscription. Which we sadly can’t make these iPad addicts do!!”

Similarly, cars will be turned away at the collecting stations. Anyone under the age of 40 will be expected to haul their loads on their backs and on foot. However, they were offering a special treat at the end of the road,

“We have a garden hose set up at every collection station which they can have a nice long drink from. Wash some of that avocado & toast out of their mouth and enjoy water how the good lord intended it”

All funds raised from the scheme will be put back into “retiree-relevant” schemes. Including a push to enforce “dressing up” to go into town on a Sunday. 

So far, the program has attracted an intense amount of interest from lazy bludgers who have a lot of time due to “quiet quitting” their real jobs. We spoke to Andrew who told The Times,

“Finally we get to experience how hard the boomers think they had it. That’s a true gift. While I labour for free I will just thank the lord our interest rates are so low. I feel this will make me a better citizen”