Police were tipped off to suspicious behaviour yesterday after several motorists witnessed a young family in a Prado go whistling past The Crooked Carrot rather than fulfilling their Western Australian duty to stop there for lunch and a bit of a photoshoot. A spokesperson for the local police told The Times,
“As police, it’s our job to look for any unusual behaviour. Now, in these particular circumstances, we have a young family with nan in the back, driving 20 below the speed limit in a Prado and according to witnesses looked like the type who would know their way around a hashtag.
The spokesperson looked lost. Almost like he was recounting some kind of supernatural phenomenon. They continued,
“You’re telling me a family like that wouldn’t stop off for a whimsical lunch while their kids played on that wonderland of a playground, smells suspicious to me. Nan didn’t need to piss? The kids weren’t driving them bonkers? The wife didn’t need a shot for her half-arsed food & travel themed instagram? Get absolutely fuc…”
We could tell it was a distressing situation for the spokesperson as a senior officer stepped in to explain what happened next,
“If this was a couple of pissrats heading Douth we’d understand. When you’re fangin’ for a pint at a brewery you have no time for delicious seasonal vegetables served up by a WA institution. We don’t agree with it but we understand. However, in this situation, we could only assume it was a Breaking Bad type scenario”
We managed to track down the offending Prado driver in question. He wasn’t thrilled,
“They stopped us just outside of Bunbury and asked us why we were in such a hurry. I told them we had organised a fun day of 4WD with another family and just didn’t have the time. He just tapped my Prado badge and muttered, you don’t know how to 4WD, shut up”
The police officer in question confirmed,
“He should’ve gone with being late for an art exhibit or badly needing to post a photo of his beer paddle at Colonial. He was wearing a button-up shirt, he doesn’t 4WD, so I told him to shut up”
As it turns out, the police’s instincts couldn’t have been more accurate. With several thousand dollars of “healing crystals” were found hidden in organic bags of pure tumeric destined for the lucrative enema market. Police will allege that tumeric enemas and meth go hand in hand and the family was running a sophisticated mungbean-mafia syndicate.
Should’ve just stopped off at The Crooked Carrot like every other normal holiday maker, pal.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?