In a radical overhaul to road safety, the DoT has decreed that all Perth learner drivers will be required to successfully pass a simulated Bunbury Farmers Market car park test before progressing to their P-Plates. A move that DoT says will equip drivers with the practical skills they are going to need.
State-of-the-art virtual reality will be used given that actually travelling to the car park would be “far too stressful” for learner drivers. A spokesperson for DoT told The Time,
“Look they are going to face this monster soon enough. In fact, we estimate that 90% of Perth drivers capitulate as soon as they enter the car park. We are ensuring the next generation of drivers can successfully navigate their Prados through the car park and keep their vehicular fuckheadery to a minimum”
The test will require the learner drivers to take immediate evasive action against aggro dick heads pulling out in front of them as well as reversing their luxury 4WD with a touch of competence. Holding up traffic for 15 minutes while you try to jam your fourby in like a flaccid peen will result in instant failure. Suzuki Swift drivers will need to perform the driving manouvres under even more leering pressure.
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Critics of the plan say that it’s too harsh and learner drivers shouldn’t be exposed to the horrors of the South West so early. Saying perhaps the test would be more suitable to move from provisional to full licence. An expert told The Times,
“What are they trying to do? Scar these kids for life? I think we need to seriously have a look at ourselves as a society if we are going to go and subject young adults to that. Let them live a little. Let them believe a god exists because he left that car park many, many years ago”
Changes to the licensing requirements will come into effect immediately. Drivers wishing to get some practice in have been directed to the car parks at the Preston St shops Como or North Perth plaza.