Eagles officials will “weld gates shut” to stop members slipping out before JK’s farewell

The West Coast Eagles have sent their members a clear message – stay until the end or deal with the dire consequences. 

While the bulk of the sold-out crowd is expected to stay till the end, the Eagles say that they know what their membership base can be like and have a contingency plan in the event they get spanked today.  

Not going as far to call the groups of officials stationed at the stadium’s exits “hit squads”, the Eagles have told The Times they have a range of measures to “deal with” members trying their ¾ time bullshit on such a memorable day. 

A spokesperson for West Coast told The Times,

“If we have to go Wuhan on the situation we will. We won’t have JK’s farewell sullied by reports of a ¾ stampede towards the traino. We are pretty sure this won’t happen but you never know”

Not only will the gates be welded shut in “extreme circumstances” but officials will be taking names to void memberships of anyone who even attempts to leave before giving JK the send-off he so richly deserves. Adding,

“We have lots of people waiting to become members so if you can’t stay to farewell a legend then frankly, we don’t want or need you”

We understand officials are even prepared to wrestle fans back to their seats if the case calls for it. Adding,

“Simply put, we won’t be embarrassed today by fairweather fans. Our message is clear, JK wouldn’t leave your goodbye drinks early, so why do it to him?”

Naturally, exemptions will apply to anyone needing to leave the stadium for legitimate reasons. 

RELATED: Energy Generated From JK Applause Expected To Power Perth’s Grid For A Decade

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