After “basically” a whitewash in the 2023 Ashes, the English cricket team has decided to take the unprecedented step of inducting every single member and the team itself into the ICC Hall of Fame.
Typically, new inductees to the prestigious group are vetted and voted upon by committee. While England accepted that this was technically the law at the moment, they fancied their bazballin’ efforts to be worthy of change.
We spoke to Ben Stokes who even tried to declare himself the captain of the Hall of Fame. He told The Times,
“Bazball changed the game innit. A lot can be said about the conventional laws of cricket and how winning is defined but we are rockstars. Did you see our field placement? How about that entire session of bouncers? It’s genius”
Bloated windbag Piers Morgan couldn’t sing their praises loud enough. Completely agreeing with the hijacking of the usual Hall of Fame induction process. Adding,
“In what decent society do antipodean, cheating, convict scum get to beat the greatest nation in the world at cricket? I have personally vouched for the team to be inducted and on a side note, what’s the pin to your voicemail, asking for a friend?”
The ICC is still attempting to deal with the audacity of what has happened. A spokesperson told The Times,
“Speaking of voicemail, we received several late night voicemails from someone calling himself Baz saying that since perfection has already been achieved in this Ashes series there was no point delaying the inevitable. He then asked us if retaining the Ashes due to rain made you a subhuman piece of shit”
It’s hard to see where England can go from here. Once you’re at the top there is only one direction to go.
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