Dan, a loyal Flagmantle fan has been unable to stop himself fist-pumping around his living room after declaring that today’s victory against the Cats was “never in doubt”.
This blissfully optimistic sentiment was, of course, contrary to the many, many, many online meltdowns he’s had in the past few weeks. His mate told The Times,
“It’s always uncomfortable to have to pull a mate up but I actually sat him down a week ago and told him that his online behaviour was getting a little concerning. His meltdowns were so dramatic so yeah, I’m a little surprised he’s talking about booking the bus again today”
We spoke to Dan who was draped head to toe in Freo kit and had to be interrupted from gushing over Alex Pearce in a lengthy online essay on a FoxSport post. He told The Times,
“What meltdowns? Do you have any proof of that? I have never doubted the boys. Always knew they were champions. Including Alex Pearce. Why won’t anyone believe me?”
Of course, Dan had spent the better part of the last half hour psychotically scrubbing his online footstep from a variety of social media platforms. His wife told The Times,
“Yeah, he’s just choosing to act like he never said those things. Did you know he wrote a 10-page email to JL last week? Now his sent emails box is completely blank. He’s trying to erase the past”
It is undeniably a new man. With Dan replacing his weekly rage-sessions with putting the feelers out for tickets to Melbourne because in his words, “never in doubt”.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?