Colour Blind Eshay Shocked To Learn Red Shoe Ban Won’t Apply To Him

A colour-blind NOR eshay is in pieces today after being informed by his mum that he will still be able to attend Bar1 because the shoes he ganked off another kid last year aren’t in fact red. 

In 2022, Perth’s sikkkest Esh relieved another kid of his Nikes at a traino north of Perth. Being unable to register the colour red, he could only take his mate’s word for it that the shoes he had appropriated where in fact hardkunt, remand red. 

Alas, it seems the eshay community either had a twisted sense of humour or didn’t want to break it to the young esh that he wasn’t in fact, Perth’s sikkkest in those non-red gronk shoes. We spoke to his mother who told The Times,

“He came home swearing and saying he was going to shank a dog. I said, Timothy calm down and tell mummy what’s wrong. He bawled his eyes out for 35 minutes before telling me he couldn’t go poon hunting at Bar1 anymore because he was red to death”

The mother was clearly holding back tears of shame as she continued,

“I told him that he didn’t own a single piece of red clothing and that his shoes were green. He stormed outside to bum puff a cigarette and made some cryptic social media post about how you can’t trust no one and that. Where did I go wrong? Do you think I dropped him too many times?”

Alas, the young Esh is having a hard time with his new identity. Not being included in the ban is a serious blow to his street credentials. In his words, 

“What colour are your kicks lad??? What size do ya wear? I’m about to go and brick a gronk”

We can report that no gronks were bricked.

RELATED: Red Shoe Ban A Real Blow For The 5 Wearers Not Already Banned From All Licenced Premises in WA

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