Melbourne has been flooded with legions of “Sydney’s Realest” original eshays as they take a break from spitting at train stations to support GWS – arguably the home of the eshay.
Arriving mostly by train and stolen Commodores, the eshay army has coordinated their fits to rock the colours of GWS. We spoke to an eshay authority figure who told The Times,
“It’s good when you don’t have a job and that, I could just drop everything and come down for the weekend. I live and breath western sydney lad, it’ll be mad eetswa if we win and that but I’ll be illchay if you don’t cos I’ll just start rolling Collingwood fans”
Victorian police are onto it and released an alarming statement that petty crime such as shoplifting designer hats from David Jones has increased threefold this week. A spokesperson told The Times,
“We have enough of our little dick head Eshays as it is. We don’t need to be importing more from Sydney. Just this morning, we’ve had three officers cop a drive-by Aussie hip hop rap battle directed at them. That’s alarming stuff”
We understand MC Kerser has called for calm at least until the match is concluded. Sources close to the King of Eshays told The Times that he wanted to make sure his people upheld their good reputations in the community, adding,
“Eshays might be a bunch of criminals but at least they aren’t Collingwood fans. We have to be better and that, can’t get dragged down by those gronks. We’re here to support GWS and get ashcay lad”
Melburnians are advised to exercise extreme caution tonight as the combination of Pies bogans and GWS eshays could lead to unpredictable and frankly unpleasant scenes.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?