Tonight, WA is considering its options after the news broke that the Perth Royal Show will not have Bertie Beetle show bags on offer.
Official sources stated that due to low supply, the Bertie Beetle show bag had to be rationed. However, said rationing only applied to the Brisbane, Adelaide & Melbourne Royal Shows. With Perth notably getting dogged.
A spokesperson for the WA Government said if diplomatic avenues aren’t fruitful they were prepared to do what they promised they never would – call in the emus. They added,
“Mobilising the great emu army is a last resort but this matter is very serious. Can you believe those dogs? Depriving us of the only thing getting adults through a day at that hell hole. Let’s just say we better have 10,000 bags on our doorstep by the weekend”
We spoke to a commander of the emu squadron who is a direct descendent of the original birds who fought so bravely against Australia. While his sequence of hisses and grunts were hard to interpret it sounded very much like he was saying “fresh meat”.
An expert on the emu army told The Times,
“WA has to think carefully because there is no guarantees that once they decimate the Eastern States they won’t take us out just for fun. They know they can do it and frankly they are a lawless, warmongering bird. We should pump the brakes”
A spokesperson for Melbourne who no doubt scoffed more than their fair share of the bags said they weren’t intimidated by WA’s threats, adding,
“If WA wants a fairer share of the Bertie Beetle bags they can come and take them out of our cold dead hands. No matter how many bush chooks they bring to the party”
And you know WA brings a shit ton of Bush Chook to any party.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?