What your favourite Perth foreshore says about you: Part 1

South Perth – you love wide open spaces, skyline vistas, and cyclists going apeshit at pedestrians on the shared path. You like to downplay your role in the 2004 Australia Day brawl too.  More on the SP foreshore HERE.

Langley Park – you don’t believe that your passion should be kept behind closed doors. You were born free so you’ll live free and if that means subjecting the city to your carnal cardio then so be it! More on the Langley Park freakfest HERE.

Matilda Bay – you went to UWA and still have trouble socialising with anyone born outside the Golden Triangle. Matter of fact, you’d probably throw the Nedlands area north of Stirling in that category. 

Rotto – your father has only just started making eye contact with you again after you ran an absolute train on his boat insurance premiums. It’s worth it though, that Insta model didn’t leave you on seen for an entire summer. 

Peppy Grove – Freshwater Bay – your idea of a cost of living crisis is having to buy a slightly smaller Riviera Yacht because much of your liquidity is currently tied up in an insider trading investment. Just watch out for gangs. More on Peppy G gang problem HERE.

Cottesloe – you consider the beach to be your runway. You’re not there to enjoy nature, you’re there to be seen and treat every day like it was a sponsored modelling shoot. For the fellers, you physically can’t run if you have a shirt on. You’re allergic or something. 

City Beach – when you’re a somebody you don’t go to the beach with an esky, you drink at expensive licenced venues and then go try your luck with the brutal dumpers in the surf. It’s the way nature intended new money to act. 

Scarborough – not every Scabs enthusiast is a turbo but every turbo is a scabs enthusiast. Your idea of a good time is to try and out-Rooster a bunch of Brazilian surfers before taking on the local security on the strip. 

Rockingham – you’re probably the reason they put a military base as close as possible to the foreshore. You’re never happier than when you’re posing next to your Harley on a warm, sunny Rocko day. 

Mandurah – You’re not here to fight today, you’re here to enjoy family time with your queen and some kids whose names you tattooed onto your face so you can keep track of ‘em all.  More on why Mandurah is hot right now HERE.

Vic Park – your foreshore isn’t particularly impressive but it gets the job done. Which has become somewhat of a life mantra for you given when you’re packing downstairs. 

Mosman Park – You’re on first name basis with the local council due to your tireless campaign to have the poor section of Mossie P barred from enjoying the world class foreshore facilities. You also know your way a public shaming at a Bowls Club celebration. More on Mossie P HERE.

Click here to continue reading Part 2 of what your favourite foreshore says about you

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?