Back before AI threatened to take over the world, another sentient being reigned supreme – the humble Kreepy Krauly. A device created to help us clean the pool but instead slowly stalked its way into our most repressed nightmares.
While some learned to live side by side with these ticking, sucking, feet seeking stingray looking kents, others weren’t so lucky and lost themselves pondering whether it would eat your toe like a bear or suck on them like a creep.
Aaron is such a man. We spoke to him as he kept one ever-watchful eye on the device making its way around his mate’s pool. He told The Times,
“I don’t like the way it moves. I don’t like the way it seems to follow me around. I don’t like it man, I can never fully chill in a pool when one is doing the rounds. My mate says I’m being silly but I can’t control my trauma”
Indeed, It seems Aaron’s trauma wasn’t totally irrational, with his brother chiming in to laugh at the fact he used to torment his brother with the device. He told The Times,
“When he wasn’t looking I’d swim down grab it and put it on his back ha ha, he’d lose it, then dad would crack the shits and tell me it wasn’t a toy, good times”
A leading psychologist has weighed in on the phobia and says it’s a common but rarely treated source of anxiety. She added,
“I call on the manufacturers of these devices to ease the public’s concerns. People need to know that they aren’t following them around to suck on their toes like they were BBQ ribs covered in Baby Rays, they are non-sentient devices that just go with the flow!”
Sadly, it may be too late for Aaron who claims that no amount of therapy will ever help him ease up while swimming with one. Adding that its stingray caused him additional grief after our Lord & Saviour Steve Irwin was struck down in his prime.
Just try to remember that wherever you are, there’s a Kreepy Krauly slowly ticking its way toward you, wanting a bif ol’ lick of them tootsies.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
