Gurner suddenly can’t find a plumber to stop all the crap overflowing from his mouth

Who could have predicted slagging off Australia’s hardworking tradesmen and women could have dire consequences? Well, Tim Gurner has learned the hard way as he struggles to find a plumber to come around and stop the flow of shit coming out of his mouth.

A source close to Gurner said shit had been overflowing from his vocal cords for years and due to desperately needed PR he was ready to fix the problem. Alas, no one is answering his call. The source told The Times,

“It’s about time he did something about it. It all started around 2017 when he accused millennials of not being able to afford property because they bought avocado on toast. That became a cultural phenomenon. A meme of the highest order, that’s a massive load of shit all over the tiles of his reputation”

Not content with alienating such a massive section of the public, Gurner returned recently to lay the boot into entitled tradies. Saying they needed to feel the pain of unemployment for the greater good of productivity and the economy.

We spoke to a plumber who said he’d given Gurner a quote on his problem earlier. Adding,

“I told him I could come around right now and use my foot or if he wanted a professional job I could do it sometime between 4 pm and 2029. You know how lazy we are and all that, I just can’t commit to a shorter window”

Desperate, Gurner decided to sign up for a Bunnings Powerpass and Google how to fix the leak and try to avoid his reputation stinking up even worse. Unfortunately, he learned that his life of nepotism and trust funds didn’t bless him with the skills necessary. A Bunnings employee told The Times,

“He came back about 10 times in a week to try new ways to stem the flow of shit but it was clear he wasn’t having any success. He told me that if I didn’t take a 30 min lunch break every day I wouldn’t have to work at Bunnings. Fark that guy”

Good luck Gurner, you’re going to need it.

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