Residents in the City of Stirling have raised concerns over pedestrian safety along the revered West Coast Drive. In response, the Council was considering reducing the speed limit and installing 5 raised pedestrian crossings.
That was until an observant citizen pointed out to the Council that the real danger on West Coast Drive was the toey tradies in dual cabs being distracted by the many beautiful sights along the coast, especially in the summertime. A resident told The Times,
“Yeah, it ain’t speed that’s the issue here. It’s the tradies knocking off from working on some richo’s house and falling into a bikini trance along the drive. That’s how an unsuspecting pedestrian might get hit. Erroneously believing a Ranger driver is paying attention”
A trial was conducted by road safety experts who said the use of blinkers was highly unorthodox but helped reduce the number of rear-enders and near misses of pedestrians crossing the road. Adding,
“Look, they have been on a building site all day with other blokes. They get a bit hot under the collar and beach babes are their kryptonite. The use of blinkers helped keep their eye on the prize as it were – 10 cold pints waiting for them at the OBH”
We spoke to a bikini babe who realised her stunning figure had been involved in a 3 car pile-up last summer. Adding,
“This guy was looking at me like he’d never seen a woman before. Nothing could break his gaze. Especially as I was debuting new European style bottoms. I saw him go right into the arse of another tradie who was rubbernecking so hard he’d slammed into a tradie. Who was trying to pull over to ask me if I’d heard him honking and if I’d like to get a drink”
The association of tradesmen however have declared the measures to be discriminatory. Adding,
“You think little Johnny Pencildick isn’t copping a look? Stuck behind his office all day. Just because we drive weapons of mass destruction doesn’t mean we’re the only ones being reptiles on the road. Blinkers for all or blinkers for none”
We hope the rich residents along the drive have some peace of mind now.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
