Perth man scared of the monster he becomes at the pre-Xmas seafood rush

A Perth man has sought forgiveness from society after reflecting on the monster he became while ducking down to pick up some fresh seafood for Monday.

He claims that he was perfectly “festive” up until he got to the car park. That’s when Xmas seafood rage took over.

Witnesses at the scene were shocked to hear the expletive-ridden rants he sprayed an elderly lady with.

They were even more shocked when he hip & shouldered a kid out of the way to get pole position on some tiger prawns. We tracked down a witness who told The Times,

“It was pretty chaotic but this guy was actually foaming at the mouth. It’s a classic case of Xmas seafood rage, I’ve seen it a hundred times before”

The man is now sitting at home wondering how he could possibly put on the Santa costume on Monday to delight the kids. Especially after what had just gone down. He told The Times,

“Will god forgive me for the elbows I threw? Will he judge me for threatening to rip that old bloke’s head off and shit down his gullet when he picked out a cray I had my eye on? I don’t know, man, I don’t know”

The man’s wife said she begged him in the weeks leading up to just buy some early and freeze it. Citing fears over his behaviour.

That, however, is NOT the WA way. It’s the pre-Xmas day fishy battle royale where the weak must make way for the strong.

Then we all go about our business like nothing had happened. If you’re aware of a better way to conduct ourselves as a civilised society then we are all years.

Fishmongers city-wide are asking everyone for a little patience at the markets this weekend.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?