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Saturday, April 11, 2026
The Bell Tower Times
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  • Bell Tower Times BREAKING NEWS Sports

    Blow for Flagmantle as Mason Cox drafted to America

    Flagmantle’s 3 ruck dream has hit a major snag after new recruit Mason Cox was drafted to America pursuant to new laws enacted by their…

    Belle April 11, 2026
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  • Bell Tower Times BREAKING NEWS Politics

    AFP drop Ben Roberts-Smith prosecution after some bloke from Mandurah tells them they have fark all

    The AFP has sensationally dropped all charges against Ben Roberts-Smith after some bloke from Mandurah launched a grammarless tirade against them on Facebook today. In…

    Belle April 10, 2026
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  • Bell Tower Times BREAKING NEWS Lifestyle

    Middle-aged Scarborough gent confident girls will never question his age if he never stops wearing surf wear 

    A Scabs bachelor on the wrong side of 40 is confident that the girls half his age he habitually tries to converse with are none-the-wiser…

    Belle April 10, 2026
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  • Bell Tower Times BREAKING NEWS Regional

    New Servo Supply Fears as Cargo Ship Full of Cheese Sausages Stuck in Strait of Hormuz

    First, it was fuel, now it’s something much bleaker for humanity – a shortage of cheese sausages is imminent in Australia after a ship full…

    Belle April 9, 2026
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  • Bell Tower Times BREAKING NEWS Local

    Trump claims to have negotiated a ceasefire between Thornlie & Maddington

    The President of Peace aka the Rapid Oompa Loompa King has claimed another negotiation victory today declaring a ceasefire between the SOR Perth suburbs of…

    Belle April 9, 2026
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BREAKING NEWS Featured

AFL Backtrack on Cancelling Grand Final Parade After Seeing NORTHBRIDGE Sign

Belle September 7, 2021

Perth was shocked to hear that the AFL had ruled against staging a Grand Final parade in Perth due to terminal butthurt-itis, “terrorism” concerns, and…

View More AFL Backtrack on Cancelling Grand Final Parade After Seeing NORTHBRIDGE Sign
scarborough beach perth
BREAKING NEWS Featured

30 y/o Scarborough turbo shocked after realising beach body isn’t quite there yet

Belle September 7, 2021

Despite 6 months of neglect, local man Kyle inexplicably reckoned his rig was ready for the big stage at Scarborough today. How wrong he was. …

View More 30 y/o Scarborough turbo shocked after realising beach body isn’t quite there yet
From the Zoo Bell Tower Times BREAKING NEWS

IN FOCUS: Cum-trees (aka Ornamental Pears)

Belle September 6, 2021

If you’ve ever been walking down the street and suddenly get hit in the nostrils by a strong stank of baby-batter you could be forgiven…

View More IN FOCUS: Cum-trees (aka Ornamental Pears)
BREAKING NEWS Featured

REPORT: Dôme Café Really Likes the Look of that Waterside Location in Your Suburb

Belle September 4, 2021

Yesterday, we received a report that a Dôme Café location scout was seen licking his lips, rubbing his hands together, and announcing that he wanted…

View More REPORT: Dôme Café Really Likes the Look of that Waterside Location in Your Suburb
BREAKING NEWS Featured

Beer Taps to be Attached to Urinals to Honour CUB Contract at Perth Grand Final

Belle September 2, 2021

Gage Roads won’t be supplying the 2021 Grand Final with beer after being shafted by the cruel strap-on of competing contractual relationships.  Although it’s arguable…

View More Beer Taps to be Attached to Urinals to Honour CUB Contract at Perth Grand Final
Bell Tower Times BREAKING NEWS Sports

Eddie to Miss 3 Weeks with Debilitating Bruised Ego After Being Denied Entry to WA

Belle September 1, 2021

Eddie McGuire is in intensive care following a brutal dose of reality that he wasn’t above the rest of the population when it came to…

View More Eddie to Miss 3 Weeks with Debilitating Bruised Ego After Being Denied Entry to WA

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TRENDING NEWS

  • Blow for Flagmantle as Mason Cox drafted to America
  • AFP drop Ben Roberts-Smith prosecution after some bloke from Mandurah tells them they have fark all
  • Middle-aged Scarborough gent confident girls will never question his age if he never stops wearing surf wear 
  • New Servo Supply Fears as Cargo Ship Full of Cheese Sausages Stuck in Strait of Hormuz
  • Trump claims to have negotiated a ceasefire between Thornlie & Maddington
  • Australind service to Bunbury to recommence once Australind Bunbury Bypass is completed

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