A former Perth Bali bogan has seen the light and no longer darken the holding cell floor at Denpasar Airport.
He is now a scourge on the Japanese people. Opting for twice-yearly trips to Japan to search for used grundie vending machines and snowboard with all the grace of a pinging giraffe at a roller disco.
We spoke to Brayden who said he can’t believe he was once so uncultured. Adding,
“You look back at the bloke you were and you can’t believe it. Say goodbye to Bintang and jiggy jiggy, I’m a Suntory and soaphouse man now ay”
In fact, Brayden can’t believe how much quicker he can get from a state of being obnoxious on public transport to full blown yacking on the Suntory than beer. He continued,
“They got the 8% ones over here in a whole bunch of flavours. Man, you should see the number I did on the fancy hotel toilet after a coupla couplas. Then I went and smashed some yakitori still smelling like fruity vomit hahaha”
While he’s enjoying being a cultured bogan, Brayden can’t shake the feeling that he isn’t anymore respected by the locals.
One such incident happened while Brayden was trying to start up an “aussie, aussie, aussie” chant on the train after spotting another group of Aussies. He told The Times,
“The Balinese people just smile through and call me boss. These people hung their heads with a deep sense of shame. It was the kind of look a dad would give to his fuckup of a son. Which I am, really”
He then went on to describe cherry blossoms as “farken sik” before forcing us to look at the footage of him feeding cookies to deers. He wouldn’t let us leave until we did.
Brayden has another week in Japan where he will do his best to wear down the hospitality of his host before returning to Australia with a bag full of filthy comics that he intends to plant in people’s bags and rooms as hilarious pranks.
A true man of culture.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
