Young parents concede it’s all over now they choose pubs solely on what kid’s entertainment is on offer

Cherie used to fancy herself somewhat of a foodie. Her husband and baby daddy Dan was always on the lookout for the next exciting craft pint but that’s no more.

The menu and taps are a mere afterthought now, as the couple chooses which pub to attend based solely on how many colourful distractions are on offer to give them 10 minutes of goddamn peace from their needy little life suckers.

We spoke to Dan who found himself absolutely smitten with a brewery’s playground. He told The Times,

“Oh yeah, look at that, a slide some monkey bars, and shit. That’s the stuff. I don’t care if they pour liquid smegma from their taps, this is the pub I wanna be at”

Similarly, Cherie conceded that given the prowess of the playground, she would happily masticate on a beach boomer’s well-seasoned pair of Speedos if it meant doing so around her friends with a little peace. She added,

“I used to have a bit of a food blog showing all the quirky places we tried. Now I really don’t care. You can’t enjoy a seasonal plate or artisan bullshit when your snot-nosed kid is whining the entire time they are bored. It’s just not possible and I think that energy comes out in the IG pics”

Cherie then went on to seemingly had to change her undies after looking at some cash-for-comment listicle showing the top kid-friendly pubs in Perth.

We asked if they missed the days when they saw the pub as an adult’s playground. They both signed in unison before Brad continued,

“Nah it’s way better to be wrangling kids the whole time while your beer goes flat and food goes cold. To think we only have another 13 years of this until they are old enough to go to the pub themselves”

Their transition from fun-lovin’ millennials to stressed parents has officially been cemented.

Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?