CEOs from some of the top fuel companies have watched in awe as Will Smith delivered a slap to the face of Chris Rock that they could only dream of passing on to their consumers.
While it’s still a few weeks away, the petrol barons have a cheeky little feeling fuel will be “your first newborn” per litre in days preceding and during the Easter long weekend.
With all the turmoil in the world, there is only one real certainty – you’ll be bent over the crude oil barrel at the pumps each week you go to fill up.
A spokesperson for a petrol wholesaler told The Bell Tower Times,
“We get no one wants to pay $2 a litre for petrol. So they sure as shit ain’t going to like it creeping towards 2.50 but hey, that’s why we’re enlisting the help of Will Smith”
We asked what the Fresh Prince could bring to the table,
“Well, he lays this huge slap across the face of Chris Rock, and like 10 minutes later people are giving him a standing ovation. That’s the reaction petrol companies want from the public, to be adored after we deliver the annual Easter shafting”
A spokesperson for Will Smith told The Times,
“Will loves Australia, he’s keen to come over and give that right hand another go. Laying it across the collective faces of Aussie families trying to duck down south for a holiday over Easter”
To make the slap sting anymore, Will is expected to be renting a Tesla during his visit and asking struggling families why they don’t buy one if they are so tired of paying for petrol.
His spokesperson told The Times,
“Salting up the wound and still being adored is the goal here. People living paycheck to paycheck love hearing that their solution to their woes is just not to be poor anymore”
We are truly lucky to have a fuel supply chain that cares about us so much.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
