Some say you can get a lot higher without drugs than with them; some say all you need is to tell people that you live in Mount Lawley. Come to this bohemian wankfest to find out why.
To truly understand the Mount Lawley mentality, one must embrace a vehicle that is both overpriced and instills the driver with an inflated and erroneous sense of coolness. That’s right, a Vespa is a perfect vehicle for zipping around Mount Lawley.
Top Experiences in Mount Lawley
Peacock on Beaufort
You don’t have to sit outside a pub for 5 hours with your bored $2000 designer French Bulldog, but it’d be a lot cooler if you did, man. Or perhaps you’re the type to spend hours curating your in-vogue look to for a trip down to a cafe to show everyone that you read. Fuck yeah, you read, classic novels too. Remember, you’re not here to experience Beaufort St, Beaufort St is here to experience you.
Lose your shit in traffic
When it comes to traffic, Mount Lawley has worse arterial blockage than a Scottish fish & chip shop owner. Vincent, Beaufort, Walcott, you name it, if you find yourself driving on one of these roads at the wrong time you’ll become the Shakespeare of road rage profanities. If you want to watch the world burn, ignore the no right turn sign at Walcott & Beaufort – there’s always one total fucking doughnut that does.
Get into an argument about gin or craft beer
You can’t come to Mount Lawley and not get into an argument with a dripping lump of pretension and beard oil over the IPA on tap. This really couldn’t be easier, just order at one of the many swanky bars and wait for an urban lumberjack to cut your tastes down a few pegs.
Lie to yourself
It’s been a long time since Mount Lawley was the hottest place in town. Nevertheless, you hold on to those glory days tighter than Shaq’s franger. Sure, a few new venues are opening up but deep down in your heart you know it’ll never be the same.
Decide you’re better than Perth
There is a very clear path to this superiority complex – ECU arts degree, sharehouse with 8 other hipsters, a show at the Astor and then a 2 month stay in Berlin/Melbourne/London. You have more culture than a Yakult factory and anyone who says differently is just a Perth bogan who will never live up to your potential as a Fitzroy barista who posts tattoo designs on Instagram.
Hope you like burgers & Mexican food, because that’s pretty much all they have here. Their passion burns so strong for burrito bowls that they replaced the iconic Planet Video with a Guzman Y Gomez. Do you want extra guac with your cultural war crime?
It’s best that you “have a look” in this suburb. Whether that be a haircut that makes bogans physically angry or a collection of colourful tattoos that make you look like the contact cover on a child’s back to school stationery. This isn’t a Bintang & Boardies kinda place, plebs.
“Not sure I’ll be coming back, within 2 hours my girlfriend had an undercut and left me for an amateur DJ who only mixes New York jazz with South Ukrainian deep house, I think she lives in Berlin now” – Gav
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?