Qantas Named Safest Airline, Attributes Honour To Never Actually Being In The Air

There are hi-fives and backslaps galore at Qantas HQ as they were named the world’s safest airline. Many factors are weighed up in deciding who is safest but Australia’s own Qantas found a way to really game the system. 

According to Qantas officials, their commitment to cancelling flights was absolutely key in claiming the title. A spokesperson told The Time,

“You can’t crash if you’re not flying, mate. That’s something we take very seriously at Qantas. Sure I think we only sent about 50 planes into the skies last year but a victory is a victory”

Qantas is excited to push this message to the public in a sorely needed PR campaign. A spokesperson told The Times,

“Our message will be clear. If you’re lucky enough to actually get to your destination with Qantas you’ll be safe. We can’t guarantee the same for your luggage but the way it disappears does wonders for our fuel costs”

We can report that little brother company Jetstar is kicking goals in this field too. With plans to really ramp up cancellations this year to try and get a spot in the safe airline list itself.

We understand that Qantas is looking forward to keeping people off their planes so they can take out the world’s cleanest airline too.

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