REPORT: It’d Better Rain Soon Or The Perth Gardening Community Is Going To Lose It

Feelings of betrayal & impatience have slowly melted together in the Perth gardening community crucible to create a molten hot slurry of unrest. 

Rain has been forecasted for several days but the most anyone has received is a light sprinkling of broken promises at best – and for this, the Perth gardening community will not stand. 

We spoke to Caroline, a retiree who has pushed shit uphill for many decades trying to keep a garden suited to the lush countryside of England alive in Perth. She told The Bell Tower Times, 

“Every day I check the forecast and it promises rain and even thunderstorms! Yet every day, the cloud cover builds, and my garden is forsaken by the rain gods. What did I do to deserve this?”

We spoke to Phil who typically relied on his neighbours going overseas this time of year so he can raid their tap, told The Times,

“Look at my earth, look at it, it’s yearning for the forecasted rain. Why do they lie to us? What’s in it for them? Between you and me a couple of us are planning to storm BOM and take hostages if this bullshit continues, you in?”

Clearly, cracks were forming in the community who are crying out for the hydrating goodness of Mother Nature popping a squat but are forced to deal with barely the mist from Father Nature’s aggressive urinal piss each day. 

Admin of large WA & Perth gardening page told The Times, 

“The barbarians are at the gates and we are struggling to hold them off. Seriously, if we don’t get some of that promised rain soon there is going to be outright anarchy in here. Dear old Cheryl almost swore the other day when cursing the meteorological lies she was being fed by her weatherman”

We spoke to BOM who told The Times,

“Please tell them to stop writing to us. We’ve received hundreds of emails and several express-posted written letters of pure, unadulterated green thumb anger. We can’t control the clouds, please, please make it stop”

If you would like to join Phil in his unhinged quest to storm the BOM offices please head down to your local Bunnings to find the guy hassling the garden centre staff for a good deal on mulch. 

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