Report Urges Resurgence Of B&S Balls To Tackle Rural Population Decline In WA

A new report has suggested that the only way to boost population levels in rural WA is to restore the B&S Ball back to its former glory. As other strategies clearly aren’t working. 

An expert in population levels told The Times,

“A lot of bushies don’t have many other ways to meet potential partners. Living a fairly isolated existence on vast farming properties. B&S Balls were a great way for these youngins to meet up and pump out a few farmlings into the world. The way nature intended it”

A young farming lad said he was “bustin” to get back on the B&S circuit. Saying he’d be keen to go to one every weekend and sow his seed if that’s what regional WA needed. Adding,

“You get a 100s to 1000s of youngins suffering serious droughts in one place and you get some magic mate – and I ain’t talking bout no rains”

Thanks to the spicy cough and even stricter liquor licensing conditions, the mighty B&S Ball train is stopping at fewer & fewer stations and as a result knockin’ RMs is considerably down. 

They’ve tried luring city slickers out but they never last. Thus, the only real solution is bushies knocking up other bushies. A leading expert told us,

“Hey, at the very least you’ll have another set of hands to work the farm. Of course, that’s if they can resist the urge to send them to boarding school and have them become pissheads in the big smoke”

Of course, experts have considered trying to inject a little “free love hippie shit” into regional WA as they have successfully done in Margaret River. Alas, many locals aren’t as welcoming to new age ideas,

An outback cob in the Wheatbelt region told The Times,

“Some mungbean come up to me a year ago and told me about some wellness chakra opening retreat kinda thing. Said they’d be tons of babes. I told him his shadow had 10 seconds to stop darkening me doorstep before I get Mr 22”

Successful farming couple Merl & Stace fondly reminisced on meeting each other at a B&S back in the day,

“I saw him cracking a whip carelessly by his ute and I knew he was the one. Amazingly Merl was sober enough to stand to attention so I got him to ride me like a John Deere. Then he moved into my farm and we had 4 wonderful little children. Kids are slowly missing out on that kind of rural romance”

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