SOR Man Moves To Mount Lawley And Starts Pronouncing His “Rs”, No One’s Buying It

Canning Vale born & bred man, Reece, has made a desperate and unconvincing attempt to rebrand his image after moving to Mount Lawley and pronouncing his Rs like a fancy man rather than ending any word with ER at the end with a loud, abrasive “A” noise.

Reece can be seen going up and down Beaufort straight commenting on shit like the harsh “summER” we’ve had or inviting his friends to “dinnER” at a fab little spot he found that has a “rippER” wine list.

His SOR mate, Liam knows him better than any and was quick to call out his contrieved act,

“He gets this job on the Terrace and suddenly he’s dressed like a wet fart in an entry-level David Jones suit. Clearly, he’s forgotten where he’s come from! SOR we skip our Rs and finish with a strong A, just like most of StrayA!”

His dad claims he doesn’t even know who his son is anymore. Telling us,

“It’s not just the Rs, that’s pretty shit but it’s other things. Guess what he called a Parmi at the pub the other week? A chicken parmigiana! Every god damn syllable. We abbreviate in this family, little turd thinks he’s better than us”

Reece claims he has “no idea” what anyone’s talking about. Saying he’s always had a nuanced and distinguished way of pronouncing words properly.

Vehemently denying that his new love of “correct pronunciation” coincided with moussed up quaff and “I enjoy films” glasses. Telling us, 

“It’s so embarrassing when my school friends come to visit. Last time, Liam tried to order a ‘Swanny D, big as you got’ at Wines Of While. He has to understand I’m a somebody now. I ordered him a devilish little Pet Nat that’s always a crowd pleasER with my Inner North pals”

In further signs Reece is turning into a complete utility belt of toolery, his mum reported that his coffee order has officially gotten “out of control”. She elaborated, 

“I remember my special baby boy ordering a long mac 3 sugars like a good Perth boy. Now he wants a cold drip mixed origin blend with a nip of organic, fair trade almond milk. What a wankA”

We tried to get further comment from Reece about his shit coffee order but he’d turned his attention to a Dachshund owner and was asking questions about the breedERRRR .

It’s undeniable, dropping hard Rs is just too rough to hear on our delicate Australian aural palate. 

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