Thrice divorced dad says fark it, proposes to his AU station wagon

An unlucky in love dad of two has conceded that “the one” has been under his nose this whole time. His ever reliable Ford AU station wagon.

Describing it as a “reliable old girl” and a “chariot of fucken legends”, old mate Bob has finally embraced his true love. He told The Times,

“She’s got serious boot space if you know what I mean. I love riding (in) her. Mate, I could go a fang bang right now. Just look at her? Thick as the kids say”

We paused for several minutes while Bob licked his lips looking at the flogged out AU parked in his driveway. He added,

“I just want to be with something that makes me happy mate. Is that too much to ask for? She’s reliable as shit every service and is just thirsty enough. Not greedy but thirsty enough for daddy”

It was quickly becoming a conversation The Times didn’t want to be apart of. Nevertheless we persisted. He told us,

“Wedding will be pretty low key, just the remaining kids who still talk to me and the busty receptionist from work. She’s from one of those lonely blokes doing sad shit countries ya know, she gets it”

It sounded wholesome until Bob revealed his post ceremony celebration plans,

“I’m gonna get her real hot on a 1.5 hour drive to Rocko with minimal coolant and then I’m going to make her mine under the moonlight. Right up the pipe”

Lord have mercy.

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