Unbelievable scenes were witnessed at a trendy western suburb market today as the two mining billionaires were seen tussling over a jar of foie gras marked down by 20%.
In a clear sign of the times, neither industry giant was prepared to give up their firm grasp on the discounted item. We spoke to a witness who was picking up some grain-fed ribeye. They told The Times,
“They were pretty angry. Both asked the other how they felt about taking food from the other’s family’s mouths. It got pretty ugly with Twiggy goading her over not having her company’s name on a netball uniform this year”
Another witness said that during the fracas Twiggy asked an assistant to check his ING splurge account to see if he could afford to pay full price for the jar. We were told,
“The assistant just shook her head and said if he did they might have to say goodbye to plans to create a regional rugby competition in his name. You could tell that only strengthened Twiggy’s resolve as he tried to distract Gina by telling her one of her kid’s trust fund lawyers was behind her”
Ultimately, the ugly situation was resolved after a wild Cannon-Brookes appeared and offered to cut the jar in half. Giving each mining magnate half of the expensive French goose paste. A witness told The Times,
“Twiggy said if he signs off on their little business deal then he’d agree. While Gina was completely unwilling to see the decadent substance split. It was then in Cannon-Brookes’ wisdom that he gave the jar to Gina. Saying she clearly respected the luxury item more and Twiggy could EAD or give him a better price”
We ask that you remember situations like this while you’re getting bent over the barrel at Coles & Woolies, plebs. Some people have real problems.
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