* old mate said 130k as far as the ATO was concerned. He was reluctant to expand on this.
Age: 38
Live: Rivervale
Salary: I work when I can be farked on about $130k. Could be $200k on the moines but fark that noise. I can make an extra 100 a year on cashies mate. Wait, don’t print that. I can’t be audited again mate, fark me.
Mortgage: some pencildick handles me investment properties, I dunno cunny, shitloads.
Fuel/Diesel: $600pw. You got any idea how much fuel I use keeping a Ranger, a Patrol and 3 jet skis running costs a bloke? Shove your EV up your arse bloke.
Child maintenance: 2 fkn grand a month. Don’t even know the lil cunny’s names. Plus the new misso has a coupla that I help with, raising SOCKS – some other cunny’s kids.
Froffs: I reckon outside of Bali, piss is me biggest expense. Let’s do that maths, 10 cans of Wild Turkey 101 a day give or take – 2 on smoko, 4 after work and the other 4 on me drive to the pub. 7 pints and some gay drink for the apprenno hahaha fkn Midori or someshit. Costs money but the laugh we get is priceless.
Vapes/darts: Lotta weak dogs use vapes to get off the darts but I like to double bang em. So about $250 a week on darts and another $50 on a vape. These costs can blow out if I get my hands on a bag, which I do.
Bags: work hard play hard mate. At least $1000 a weekend if I have a win on the dogs. Maybe just $500 if I worked fark all during the week aha, which is often. Who are you the work police?
Punting: how long is a piece of string mate? If I’m not going apeshit at the dogs at the pub I’m on me phone whacking pineapples on the stupidest multibets you can think of. I reckon the average week I’m down $800 on the punt. Was up $1k once though so suck my sack.
“Post pub entertainment”: tipping toppos, trips to the rippers and rubntugs are a big part of me loife. I reckon I could buy a Dunsborough beach house if I gave up the tugs. Not gonna do that but. Why don’t they have them loyalty cards there? I’d be redeeming hard out.
Groceries: I got a chest freezer full of chicken ovenables ay. I try to order UberEATS twice a night but sometimes ya just need some good home cooking. Prolly about $500 on UberEATS a week and $50 on nuggets.
Assorted medical: Apparently I got a temper hahah, stfu Magistrate you NERD. I just don’t like people looking at me when I’m on the piss mate. Yeah but nah, lose a few fights here and there any ambulances ain’t cheap.
Other entertainment: when I’m not fixing shitters or punching on, I like to sign up to every streaming service on this ridiculous entertainment system I got from Harvey Normans .Cost like 10k but 50 months interest free so I’d be losing money if I didn’t ay.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?
