No sooner than the news broke that West Aussies would be receiving a $400 power credit in the State budget had Perth woman, Elise ran an absolute train on her energy usage trying to cope with the arctic conditions.
Utilising reverse cycle and several piece of shit K-Mart heaters she’d accumulated, Elise turned her home into a sweltering den of fiscal irresponsibility.
By about 8:30 am, it is estimated that Elise had expended the full $400 power credit. Weeks or months before even receiving it, especially given it’s divided into two bills. It’s fair to say she wasn’t coping with the moderate cold well. Rugged up in full mountain wear, a beanie & uggs, Elise Told The Times,
“I woke up and almost rang an ambulance. It was like 8 degrees??? I was trapped in my doona! Felt like that scene in The Revenant where Leo has to slice into that horse to survive the night. That was me!”
She bravely ventured from her bed, wearing her doona as a shield to start her mega-consumption of electricity. However, it was when she had thawed out enough and read about the power credit that things “got out of hand”.
Her partner, Troy had ducked home after having an appointment nearby. He told The Times,
“She was grasping a mug of hot chocolate and screamed at me to close the door. She’d chuck me out on the street if I let any more cold air in. She wasn’t dealing with this chilly day well”
Sweating profusely in the now 38degree lounge room, he continued,
“She’s even got the heat lamps in the shower going. I asked her why she was turning the house into a sauna and she just said $400 power credit. I asked her if maybe we could stretch that out over the full winter and not just today. She didn’t even respond”
Elise had just finished her 5th, 25 minute long hot shower when she finally had some colour back in her face,
“Thank god for electric hot water ay, all covered by the $400 power credit. My hubby doesn’t understand, I was born in Hedland, I am not built for days like this. Have I used a little extra juice around the house? Maybe but I’m alive and shouldn’t that be what matters more?”
However, Troy had finally had enough when he noticed she’d even turned on the electric oven to add to the warmth,
“I told her that she’s being very dramatic. We haven’t even got the power credit yet and she’s almost certainly used it all up. My god, it’s not even *that* cold”
Elise, evidently, takes a contrary view.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?