Take the Douth drive demerits – for many Western Australians, the only certainties of the silly season are ham-comas, horrific sunglass tans and of course, copping a double demerit-fisting on your drive Down South.
So what better present can you give a Western Australian than a written promise to take one for the team and snag their demezzas this silly season? It will be a truly warm moment under the Xmas tree.
A slice of GST – what do you get the Western Australian that has everything? A greater slice of GST of course. Western Australians love GST so why not combine that with the glorious gift of cold hard cash?
Make sure to note in the card that they are getting more than 70% and to make it even more touching ensure any eastern state relatives get well below 65%. Why? Because fuckem that’s why.
Iron ore jewellery – it’s the rock every Western Australian girl grows up dreaming of. One day her Hi-Vis Prince Charmo slipping her a rock of real deal value. Unrefined and dusty AF. Now be warned, this is a serious present with serious consequences for your life.
It has been proven that once any Western Australian female slips on an iron ore ring, she’ll instantly need a Balinese-themed beach wedding and a gender reveal burnout at the site of the first house they first received the romantic digit of love on a pull-out couch. More on iron ore love HERE.
The perfect boondie or honky nut – imagine being handed a perfectly sculpted boondie that is absolutely ripe to launch at that cheeky dogovacunt who tried to enforce LBW during the Xmas day test series?
Similarly, a green honky nut that can whistle through to its target from 35m is the kind of gift that will melt a Western Australian heart. The good news is it’s cheap, the bad news is the search may take you several days but persevere.
A packet of oven chips – we are a pretty laid back population. So it’s no surprise that “oven” is the main cuisine type of many hungover sacks of shit during this silly season. So what could be better than an elusive packet of oven chips?
You may have to fight tooth & nail to get a packet as the shortages are expected to start seeing the yellow gold dry up on our refrigerated shelves. Throw in a half full bottle of Rosella tomato sauce and you’ve just created magic.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?