Some might say hyper WA parochialism is a tad embarrassing in the increasingly globalised society we find ourselves in. Pay those people no attention. Clearly they are just jealous that their sea breeze is nothing more than mother nature’s little queefaroonie compared to the mighty Freo Doctor. Don’t stop there though, establish your dominance in other ways too:
Sunsets – never give up an opportunity to watch a sunset over east. You aren’t doing it to “enjoy” them per se, you are doing it so you can casually bring up how shit-hot WA sunsets are given they occur over the ocean.
What to do in the case of Adelaide? Well, yes, they enjoy the same sunset but point out it’s a cold, inferior ocean so the sunsets can never be comparable. It’s like watching a flower bloom in a pile of steaming shit. Not the same, is it Radelaide? More on sunset supremacy HERE.
Remind everyone why they still have an economy – you may not have an economics degree but you sure do have some very strong reckons about what has propped up Australia’s economy for decades. Yep, WA and its all-you-can-dig buffet of natural resources. No need to delve deeper than that.
So, if you experience bad service or feel like you aren’t being taken seriously because of your Jet Pilot boardshorts, just remind everyone why they still even have a job. Yep, take as much credit for mining cash as you possibly can. It’s your birthright. More on the saving the economy HERE.
Judge Their Sand – an important part of the WA identity is considering yourself somewhat of a beach connoisseur. Just like any expert in the field, your flogged-out hooves can detect even the slightest inferiority of sand. After all, you’re used to the best.
While suffering through an Eastern state beach experience, simply rub some sand between your fingers and give our host a look of disapproving shame. Remember, you are like a beautiful fkn princess that can feel a single grain of shit sand under 20 pippy-charred mattresses stacked on your bedroom floor. More on WA beaches HERE.
Educate a barista and line of customers – you’ve come a long way as a coffee expert. From 500ml drive-through super lattes that you drunk throw a straw to your favourite order the long mac topped up.
Accordingly, you should not be stingy with this knowledge. Educate an eastern state barista and anyone in line waiting on how to EXACTLY make a long mac topped up that will blow ya short & curlies off. Don’t be surprised if someone wants your autograph. More on the long mac topped up HERE.
Wear your leavers hoodie well into your 30s – when you see someone wearing their Leavers hoody late into their adult life do you see a loser? Or do you see someone that still fits into the garb and has based their entire social identity on what school they went to? Yep, the latter, you see a winner.
Not only have you reached peak WA but you’ll save everyone the time who obviously wants to know what school you went to. Surely it isn’t just people in WA that seem to care so much about this question? More on our school obsession HERE.
Documenting the Human Zoo is thirsty work, so if you enjoyed what you read how about buying Belle a beer, ay?