Raptah, a staunch Mandurah man and self described patriot, has gone to extreme lengths to inform the public exactly where he shops by getting a large COLES tattoo across his back.
He even doubled down on his retail-patriotism with a southern cross made out of the letters of Coles. He explained his decision to get the ink to The Times,
“If I hear any week dog talk about the fresh good people on Friday I’m going to rock them. UnAustralian what they did. How am I meant to show my love of my country if I can’t cover meself in Chinese made crap that’s destined to pollute this great land when it goes to landfill on Saturday?”
Raptah couldn’t be more serious about his allegiance and even took the day off from pouring concrete to walk around local Woolworths stores shirtless chanting “AUSSIE, AUSSIE, AUSSIE, COLES! COLES! COLES!”
We spoke to a witness doing her shopping at Woolies who said the man certainly proved his point. Especially when he began asking staff where the Straya merchandise was. She added,
“It was quite patriotic how he made this teenager cry. He seemed to be under the impression she was the CEO and made the call to discontinue the poorly selling shoddy merchandise. He did this to pretty much every worker before doing a big burnout in the car park and heading off to the next Woolies, I assume”
That he did. In fact, Raptah went to over 10 Woolies to cause trouble but was ironically only arrested after he presented at a Coles.
According to a Coles spokesperson, Raptah entered the store expecting some level of applause before helping himself to some Australian flag stubby holders which he made very clear he would be taking for free.
Oh Raptah.
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